Anxiety & Sleep

Preventative measures and management of anxiety and it’s difficult relationship with sleep

This month the Mental Health Foundation’s annual campaign is focussing on anxiety. Mental Health Awareness week, which runs from 15th to 21st May, aims to raise awareness of the prevalence of anxiety, as well as providing information to help solidify a deeper understanding and prevent anxiety from becoming a problem.

When I first started my career in child care, my passion was with working with pre-school children, experiencing all the different developmental age groups, child psychology and the different pleasures (and challenges!) each bring. Whilst I still love working with children, I gain the greatest satisfaction in helping you, the parents!

Sleep can be affected through both child and parental anxiety, if not both, and often forms a vicious cycle where the less you sleep you get, the more anxious you become. Whether anxiety rises when we are tired, sleep deprived, hormonal, or just drowning in parental life, it can be incredibly overwhelming and add to feelings of helplessness and lack of control. Through my roles as both a sleep consultant and a night nanny, my support often goes well beyond hands on help or just chatting about sleep. I am a sounding board, a non-judgemental listening ear and more often than not, a shoulder to cry on, as so many of us battle with anxiety. 

I also witness anxiety in both babies and children, and it’s relationship with sleep. Babies are more likely to suffer from separation anxiety, so head here for more information. From the age of 2 years however, children are able to process thoughts and feelings in a more complex way, and as well experiencing behavioural separation anxiety, they can also exhibit other worries that can spill over into anxiety if left unmanaged. 

The key to controlling the potential downwards spiral between sleep and anxiety, in an ideal world, would be to use and practice preventative measures. However spotting the early signs can be useful in the treatment and management for both you and your child.

So, what are the signs of anxiety in a younger child?

According to the NHS, an anxious child may:

• have difficulty sleeping and/or experiencing nightmares
• show signs of separation anxiety such as clinginess and not wanting you to leave at bedtime
• exhibiting behavioural issues including tantrums, anger and irritability
• have increased crying episodes
• be worrying or have negative thoughts
• have a decreased appetite
• feel tense or fidgety, using the toilet more frequently
• complain of tummy aches
• have difficulty concentrating

We can all see these signs in our child from time to time, but your little one may be anxious if they are displaying a collection of these symptoms or if any are more heightened than usual.

How can you help your child?

First and foremost, you need to make sure you are also looking after yourself. Easier said than done, but you need to find time in your day to reduce your own anxiety. The good news is, many of the following measures will help both you and your child

• Keep social contact, through any form you can with family and friends. Social stimulation is a vital part of human emotional wellbeing so try to connect with family and friends as often as you can.
• Use daily exercise, even if it is just a walk around the block to get some fresh air and stretch your legs. Kids are often happy getting out anywhere and exploring, from woodlands and playgrounds, to pointing out things aroudn town. For indoor exercise on a rainy day, we love doing Cosmic Kids Yoga at our house as it’s a great stress buster – the stories are perfect for young children and they don’t even realise they’re exercising!
• Reduce your news and social media intake if you find your anxiety increases after consuming certain types of media. Certain nes stories can be triggering for anxiety sufferers so try to filter what you see. Likewise, comparing yourself to other parents’ picture perfect family life is less than ideal if you’re already feeling overwhelmed amd insecure. If you want child focussed media, BBC Newsround is great for child-centred news aimed at children.
• Set up a routine that works for your household. If your child is old enough, allow them to be part of the decision making which will help them stick to it. For young children, have visual cues to help them know what is coming next each day – they don’t need to be able to tell the time. Build in meal times, naps or quiet time, reading, fun activities, exercise and so on. However, it’s crucial to be flexible. If either you or your child aren’t feeling it one day, just go with the flow and do what feels right.
• Maintain a healthy diet which is important not only for anxiety levels but also for immunity against illnesses which often triggers poor sleep. Get your child involved in the choices and preparation of meals where possible, and there are lots of ideas on Pinterest for creative ways to make food fun such as fruit trees, funny faces with spaghetti hair and lots more! You can also try playing games with real or pretend food to help teach your child what’s healthy – we played a great taste test game with various foods and a blindfold, guessing the taste and texture of each one.
• Allow your child to talk about the crisis and use child-friendly media to help them understand and answer any questions they may have. Bedtime is such a great time to allow your child to open up  – it’s often when they are ready to share both the positives and negatives from their day. Read my bedtime blog for tips on how to help your child clear their mind before bed. There are also charities and helplines to support children if they are old enough and need some extra help – these include Young Minds, The Mix and Shout. It’s also crucial for you to have a support network and find someone to chat to – whether online or in person, connection is key.
• Use calming activities and relaxation techniques to help your child if they are struggling. As well as Cosmic Kids Yoga above, these can include breathing exercises, counting/sorting tasks, creative play such as painting or colouring, and reading.

In order to manage any of the above, it’s crucial to all be getting a good night’s sleep wherever possible. Here’s some extra sleep tips to help make that happen:

• Keep a calming bedtime routine for both you and your child to ensure you are in the right frame of mind before saying goodnight. Turn down the lights or darken the room, have predictable steps each night and use relaxation techniques to help wind down. This can include massage, reading, yoga/stretching, relaxing music and meditation. Calm is a leading app for adults and for guide meditation stories for children try the Moshi Sleep app. It’s also a time when your child is most likely to open up about their anxieties so allow them the space to open up. Lavender is also a calming scent that can be useful along with the other techniques.
• Separation anxiety is highly likely to appear as general anxiety levels increase. The more anxious they feel, the more they cling onto you. So it’s only natural that spending increased time with you during the day will lead to an increased desire to be with you during the night too. If your child is struggling to be alone, try to reassure them before leaving the room. Comforters (any safe favourite toy or object) that ‘hold’ extra kisses from Mummy or Daddy can help, as well keeping bedtime goodbyes positive. Talking about what you are going to get up to the next day can help keep things light and keeps their mind thinking about these adventures as you leave the room. If some nights, you’re child is just too upset by you leaving the room, just stay with them until they are drowsy or completely asleep. There are always measures such as the Gradual Retreat you can use when anxiety levels return to normal. If they are awake in the night needing extra cuddles, try to keep them in their own sleep environment where possible as this is a much easier place to start from when all of this has blown over.
• If nightmares have increased lately, try to increase the dialogue you have with your child during the day about the topic of their bad dreams, without pressing the issue. Dream catchers can be a useful tool for slightly older children, as well as explaining ways they can change their dreams. For example, if they are having recurring dreams about monsters, asking them to do something funny in their dream to chase the monster away such as blowing a raspberry. This helps to turn the negative emotions into a positive one, and children love to goof around! Another common anxiety is the dark, so exploring shadows during the day with a torch and where light/dark comes from can help, as well as a fun night light kept on at bedtime and overnight. Not sure if your child is suffering from night terrors or nightmares? Read here for more info.

If you’re struggling with anxiety and sleep, and need to find further support in helping either your or child sleep better as a result of increased anxiety or other behavioural factors, please get in touch. We offer a free 15 minute assessment call to chat and find out if and how we can help. You can also check out the numerous other blogs or our free resources page for downloadable guides.